Perhaps I can convince you that I was trying to set a record in not updating this blog for over a year? :clapclapclap:  Aren't you impressed?

Why then, would I want to break such a record and write a post?  Excellent question.

The truth is ... there are approximately 4 blog posts that I have been mulling about on my heart and in my mind for nearly a year.  I don't have the words.  I have tried to have the words.  And every time I have tried writing a post, it turned into a rant.  A vocalization of my frustration at the passive-aggressive posts of friends.  An attempt to be deeper than the fluffy posts.  An attempt to air successes better than the 'ta-da!' posts.

But then I would be the hypocrite.

And so I stopped and deleted.

This year, I hope to put a few of those posts in words without the rant, irritation, and lack of compassion exuded from my words when I first attempted the posts.  Without sounding stuffy, God grant me the grace to write about the few things that He has put on my heart without being offensive, defensive, obsessive, prideful, petty, or dull.

The new challenge is to post again before a year passes ...

Advice follow-up by little cousins ...

Back in April, I had this discussion with my little cousin Grace:

Grace "You *can't* be 22 cuz you're not married!"
Me "You can be 22 and not be married yet."
Grace "No. If you're 22 and you're not married, then you're not 22. You're a teenager."

Me "Well, I can't marry somebody unless he's the right person and I don't know who he is yet."
Grace "Well, stop everything and find the right person."
Me "Someday, Gracie."
Grace "Find harder!" 

Ah, so black-and-white to my boy-crazy little cousin.  

Last Thursday, we met up for ice cream and 7-year old Grace decided to follow up on our previous conversation.

Grace "When do you start teaching?"
Me "On Monday!"

... she pauses ...

Grace "Did you find a boyfriend yet?"
Me "No, Grace ..."
Grace "You really need to do that.  You are 23 now and can't be a teacher if you're not married.  It's just not good.  You at least need a boyfriend by Monday."
Me "Haha, not gonna happen by Monday.  It's ok, Gracie.  Really."

She eyes me suspiciously before shrugging and giving up on me for a little while.  Someone is itching to wear a fancy dress at a wedding ... it just so happens that it is the future flower-girl/junior bridesmaid role they're after!  

I expect her to follow up on this conversation around Christmastime :D

A summer evening ...

We were sitting on the porch swing.  The sun had set a little over an hour ago, so the trees in the distance were dark silhouettes against the navy-purple sky.  Night sounds filled in the background as we talked.  His legs are longer than mine, so conversation was interrupted several times to discuss the correct way to swing to avoid this awkward elliptical motion we were currently achieving.  Our conversation was all over the place, touching on friends, politics, religion, family.

It was fun.  It was pleasant.  It was the perfect way to spend a summer night.

Then he looked over at me and grinned.

"Want to hear my Yeti mating call?"

And with that, my nearly 21-year-old brother Rory cupped his hands around his mouth and let out a resounding "sooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" The sound reverberated over the trees in the back woods, piercing the "perfect" night.

Needless to say, this sent us into a giggle fit.  The next few minutes were filled with Rory's newfound strange animal mating call attempts ... complete with Wookie, moose, and dying cat.

Ok, ok. The dying cat was me ...

Answers so soon ...

Be careful what you ask for, right?


Two weeks or so ago, I wrote up my "summer bucket list" of things I would like to do, accomplish, and experience this summer.  It's quite the long list that will take more than one summer to complete.  However, in there, there are a couple of more-immediate goals and needs. A 'goal' was for more opportunities to play the piano and to work my way back up to the point of "piano proficiency" I had reached 8 years ago.  A 'need' was for a "real" job.  Both were things that I prayed for.


Monday.  Dad gets a phone call from the worship leader at church (Dad plays violin with the "worship team") ... asking if I could play the piano or keyboard as Pastor (who normally plays piano) would be out of town.  


Gah!  Wait no, God, I didn't ask to play for church - that's not what I meant!  Please let someone else do it.  I don't know the more contemporary songs and the praise team a bunch of scary, crazy good musicians. It will be a disaster if I say yes.  You've seen my hands shake.  


But, for some reason, I was impressed upon to say "yes".  So I said yes.  


Tuesday. Mom is talking on the phone (:eyeroll: ... she's always talking on the phone) and her cell rings.  It's my old piano teacher calling.  Mom motions that I have to answer ... talking on the phone is, umm, not my favorite thing.  Whatever, I can handle this.  My old teacher wants me to play piano at her church service the following Sunday as she is the church pianist and will be out of town.  


Goodness Lord, what are You doing?  I'm not a real pianist.  And I plain-old don't want to do this.  Is this what you thought I meant?  Maybe I phrased my prayer incorrectly.


This time, I tried to come up with more excuses, but she said to let her know.  I mentally fought with this all day ... but finally, I realized ... 


What good were all those 9 years of piano lessons if I'm just gonna' say 'no' every time?  What about the reason that I always told people that I wanted to be able to play and serve the Lord?  What if I'm never going to be any better of a player than I am right now?  What if now is the time that the Lord wants me to play, not some distant "someday"?


So again, I was impressed upon to say "yes".  So I said yes.


Wednesday.  At lunchtime, I went for the interview for summer math teacher at a local private all-boys boarding school.  I really wanted this job.  I prayed for this job.  I needed the teaching experience, I needed the wages.  It went well.  


Later that evening, I went to the practice session Wednesday night with Dad and Roman and Mason (who were asked to sing and play guitar, respectively).  "Tense" is a mild way to describe my feelings and posture.  But as soon as we got done introducing ourselves and praying as a group, I really can't describe the wave of relief that pretty much washed over me.  That's one of those expressions that is overused, but it genuinely felt as though a wave came over me as God bashed my apprehension into bits.  Not only did the rehearsal go well, I actually enjoyed it.  The people were just - so real - so nice - so wanting to honor God with every ounce of their being.  It was refreshing and encouraging.  


Lord, I am so glad that you "made" me say yes.  This is still a very weird, a-little-surprisingly-sudden answer to my prayer of wanting to play piano more often ...


Thursday was sort of a "blah" day with nothing spectacular going on (planting urns and cleaning out a garage at the flower shop doesn't exactly make the summer bucket list) ... except waiting and anticipation of finding out if I got the job.


Friday.  I followed up on the job interview with an email to the chairperson (as he had requested) and awaited his reply.  Surely God would answer my prayer on this one.  It would be the perfect position.  17 cemetery urns and 10-potting-soil-filled-fingernails later, I get a response email about the job.

"I am sorry to inform you ..."


That's all I needed to read in that sitting.  The rest of the consolation job rejection email could be read later.


Honestly, I don't understand.  Why not?  Is it that I just don't have the experience?  God, I needed this job.  Goodness, I just need a job.  What could the reason possibly be?


Needless to say, it was disappointing and a little ... depressing.  I know, I know.  2 weeks out of school and "still unemployed" is not the end of the world.  It's just not fun to keep being "rejected".


Saturday was another "blah" day with more planting around graves for the flower shop and a lot of organizing/unloading of stuff we had retrieved from my apartment Friday night.  It was hot and sticky.  Oh, as a side note, I apparently know how to make milkshakes that rival ice cream shop shakes ... good to know ... 


Sunday (today).  The service and music went very well - the Lord calmed me again.  Then came the sermon from Pastor L ... on the "What if's" of life.  What if __________ had happened differently?  What if ____________ had been chosen instead?  The questions we ask ourselves every day.


His text was chosen from Philippians 3:

⁷ But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.

⁸ Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,

⁹ And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

¹⁰ That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

¹¹ If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

¹² Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.

¹³ Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

¹⁴ I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

My too-long-already sermonette could keep going, but the things that I was reminded of were ... 


Nothing I do for my own glory counts.  It's all worthless except what is done for the Lord God.  The most important thing right now is for me to know God.  There is no "what if I had gotten that job?" - it's now in the past, and I need to forget that which is behind.  Reach for the things ahead of me.  Press forward toward the mark.  


There is a reason that God answered my prayer for more piano-playing in such a quick way.  There is a reason that my prayer for a real job is still seemingly unanswered.  There is a reason that God didn't want me to have that teaching job.  There is a reason that I need to keep looking.  There is a job.  Or maybe there isn't.  Maybe it's something else entirely.  


Whatever it is, I have been reminded that God's got the whole "roadmap" of my life to look at ... it's my job to follow His lead and press forward.


If you actually read all of this, go get yourself some ice cream.  You deserve it ...

Summer bucket list!

This is more of a starting a new phase of life bucket list ... but we'll start with summer, ok?

• Go to bed before midnight.   
• Go boating or sailing.
• Play racquetball.
• Resist the urge to cut my hair as soon as it gets hot.
• Take a trip. Or several.
• Visit a new state or new friends.
• Pay off my car.  Ok, that's going to take more than just this summer, but it's getting much closer!
• Spend time studying and researching all these Biblical topics that keep popping up and I keep wondering about.
• Take my little cousins out for a play or concert or something.
• Learn about, practice, and work on learning the art of photography.
• Buy a nice camera to assist in said goal.
• Go to Blossom Music Center for a concert.
• Attend a community play.
• Become a member of Girard Alliance Church.
• Help out in some way with a ministry of the church.
• Utilize my SNAP fitness membership.  A lot :D
• Go swimming.
• Learn how to cook a new dish/meal/dessert.  Or several.
• Learn how to fix fish.  Ohhh - go fishing for walleye out in Erie and then eat it.
• Start playing the piano more ... work my way back up to the place I was before quitting to work on school (8 years ago ...) and learn some new songs.  
• Work.  A lot.
• Find a "real" job related to teaching.
• Blog (or at least write down thoughts so they don't escape).
• Find a new restaurant.
• Explore my "local" cities ... Cleveland, Toledo, Pittsburgh, Columbus.
• Go to the Spillway in Meadville, PA, to feed the fish!
• Remind myself that this "freedom" after graduation is what I've always wanted :D
• Paint something.
• Sew something.
• Draw something.
• Sculpt something.
• Wake up early often to watch the sunrise and enjoy the early morning.  It's my favorite.
• Stay up late to watch the sunset and enjoy the late evening.  It's my favorite.
• Hike and re-explore my backyard.
• Play putt-putt and like it.  I don't like mini-golf, so we'll see what happens.
• Drive a golf-cart.
• Play with water balloons ... lots of them.
• Stay offline more without losing touch with everyone.
• Go to a sports event.
• Understand football, or at least have my brothers explain it to me.
• Take pics and videos ... these years are going to fast.  Why didn't anyone warn me?  Oh wait, they did.
• Chat with my parents.
• Keep everything tidy ... it will be hard with all my apartment stuff crammed back in my 10ft by 10ft bedroom at home, but I am so much less crabby when things are clean.
• Visit the chiropractor often so standing/walking isn't so painful.
• Find a way to transfer all our old home videos onto digital media (somehow) so we don't lose them forever.
• Find stuff to add to this list ... daily.
• Never have a day where I wonder what I did and have to account for missing hours.  If I live to be 70 years old, that's only ~615,000 hours.  Can't afford to waste them.

Got any ideas?  Want to help me cross some of these off my list?  Let's go summer! 

Moments ...

Some moments from the last week or so ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Setting: Final review session for all sections of a developmental math class
Location: YSU, Lincoln Building
When: last Saturday morning ...

We had started working on problems similar to ones the students would see on their final exam ... there were about 11 students and myself in the room and while informal, it was still a "class" setting where I was 'teaching' and the students were to raise their hands with questions.

A kid near the front raised his hand in the middle of a problem.  I finished my sentence and then called on the student.

"Yeah, uh, I umm just want to let all of you know that I use bleach when I wash my clothes,"  he stated.

I am beyond baffled and am doing my best to not break into laughter.

"Well," I responded. "That's perfectly ok."

Everyone around him nodded.

"I just wanted to let you all know that in case you smell bleach," he clarified.

Hmm, ok then.  Timing is everything.  Back to solving for x!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Setting: Riding in the car with Dad
Location: On the way to McDonalds to get a salad
When: last Saturday evening ... a few days after Mom and Dad came to hear my thesis defense

"You know, you are a really good presenter," Dad tells me.

"Thanks Dad!" I say.

"Yeah, you could keep blah blah blah-ing about that moronic mumbo jumbo for quite awhile and hold everyone's attention!"  Dad assures me.

Hmm, thanks Dad ... ;)

Out of the mouths of babes

Hope that reading this makes you chuckle as much as it made me chuckle remembering this. 


Rewind to about 12 or 13 years ago.  The main character here is Roman ... he would have been about 2 or 3 at the time and was super cute and precocious.  Not that he isn't now, but you just don't say that about your 15 year-old-now-about-6-inches-taller-than-you baby brother, or so I'm told.  


Anyway, being the little kiddo that he was, we were very protective older siblings and tried to keep him from being scared of things.  One of the scariest things for him was the seemingly ever-present gorilla in most older movies (think Abbot and Costello kind of movies...).  The gorilla scared him to death.  So, our remedy was to tell him:

"It's not really a monkey - it's a man inside of a play monkey suit."

See?  Very true.  He shortened our too wordy explanation simply to:

"Oh! Monkey-man!"

Ok, we can live with that.  Exactly.  It's not really a scary monkey, it's a man pretending to be a monkey.  It worked so well that he decided to really like gorillas and monkeys and chimps.  Us older siblings were quite pleased that he was no longer scared and we could watch our Abbot and Costello movies without incident.


So ... enough with the background.  On to the story.


Here we were at a Kent Hovind conference in Erie, PA.  (For those who don't know, Kent Hovind is an apologetic creationist with a unique sense of humor.  Yes, I believe in a literal 6-day creation by God and this blog post is not intended to spark a debate.)  Anyway.  It was a several day conference in a large church with big screens and hundreds of people ... I loved it.  A bunch of my little friends from church were there and Mr. Hovind made paper airplanes with us during the breaks.  He kept our attention through the use of powerpoints and humor and engaging lecturing techniques.  


Towards the end of one of the last seminars, Mr. Hovind was wrapping up and we were all very encouraged on the evidence for a literal-6-day creation by the Lord God and how The Flood played a role in shaping the world today.  It's probably safe to say that there were select few who believed that we have "common ancestors" with apes at the conference. 


As Mr. Hovind switched to the next slide - for some reason - the entire auditorium was dead silent.  I'm serious.  Not a peep. Not a paper rustling.  Not a single baby crying.  The next slide appeared - a picture of a large gorilla.  Fitting in the context of the conference.  Suddenly ... a toddler's voice resounded across the entire, silent auditorium:


"Look daddy!!! Monkey-man!!!"


Ah, yes. Roman.  The two-foot-tall child perched on Dad's lap with a voice that could carry a little too well was definitely not afraid of monkey-man now.  The entire sanctuary erupted into stunned laughter as my Dad's face turned a shade of red that would make Crayola jealous.  Poor Mr. Hovind had no idea of the context for why this 3 year old would blurt out the exact opposite of everything we believed.  The conference resumed quite effectively ... but oiy, out of the mouths of babes!


This is one of those stories that I can't wait to tell Roman's kids.  

A Tale of Two Poufs

Because I’m supposed to be writing a statement of my teaching philosophy (whatever that actually is …) for job applications, I shall blog.  That’s writing, isn’t it?  Sure.

Back in October, my cousin Lauren and I were shopping for groceries and necessities at Walmart.  I have been sharing an apartment with my cousins Preston and Lauren down in Youngstown this school year.  It’s been great to have other people around – I’ve discovered that while I am ok with living by myself, I don’t prefer it.

Anyway.  Lauren and I found ourselves over by the shampoo aisle and suddenly (quite independently) remembered that we had wanted to get bath poufs (you know, those tulle spheres on a string?).  The fact that we were standing right in front of a bin of bath poufs might have had something to do with this revelation.  It took a few minutes of female decision making, but Lauren decided on a pink pouf and I claimed a green pouf.  I have this thing for lime green and aqua.  We were both happy with our colors and hung them in the shower with pride.

Fast forward a few weeks.  One morning, I realized that my green pouf was sitting on the little shelf in the shower – the string had come undone and it couldn’t be hung up anymore.  Oh well, the rest of the pouf was still intact; what can you expect from a $2.00 item?  Lauren’s pink pouf still hung with its string in a fully functional loop.  I didn’t think much of it and resumed regular use of the green pouf.  At dinner a few days later, Lauren and I were talking about going back to the grocery store.  Grocery shopping is our nemesis – we put it off as long as possible.  But there were a few staple items that we needed so a trip was in order. 

“Oh, and I need to get another pouf,” I recalled. “The string on mine broke about a week ago.  So cheaply made!”

“I know!” Lauren replied. “The string on mine broke a couple of days ago, too – I have to store it on the shelf in the shower since it can’t be hung up anymore.”

Hmm.  I mentally pictured the shower.  There definitely was only one pouf that had a broken string.  It was the green pouf.  Ah yes, that awkward moment when you realize that you and your cousin have been using the same green pouf for about a week.

That night, I bought a purple pouf.

If we played a different game of charades …

You put your hand in the bag and let your fingers dart around, chasing the little slips of paper. Got one! Whoops, no – that’s two. You awkwardly try and flick your fingers to separate the stubborn folded strips, hoping to avoid a paper cut in the process. One strip of paper finally gives up and lets go of the one you want. Finally! You withdraw your hand and glance at the name you just retrieved: Samson.


How do you act out Samson in a game of Bible charades? Well, you’re resourceful and imaginative. Most of the well-known people from the Bible are associated with a particular story or description of their character. Samson was strong. Zacchaeus was short. Mary Magdalene washed Jesus’ feet. Moses was used in the parting of the Red Sea. Deborah was a judge. Jonah ran from God. The list goes on.


And then you stop and think. What if we put my name and your name and the names of everyone we know on slips of paper … and had to act out each other?


Would I be known for being a gossip?
For being an encourager?
For being too sarcastic?
For being a person who prays?
For always being angry or crabby?
For being ready to serve others?
For being a procrastinator?
For always being happy?
For having an attitude?
For being a good friend?
For being proud and stuck up?
For reading the Word of God?


Would a friend act out someone entirely different than the side of me that my family sees?


I Timothy 4:12 “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”


Whether I like it or not, people have impressions of me. I am known by my character. You are known by your character. We are associated with the characters of those that we hang around. Does my character reflect the love of Christ within me?


We are quick to jump on the “We shouldn’t judge people!” and “Don’t judge me!” bandwagon. True. I’m not saying that we should judge each other. But – if someone was put on the spot for a description of my character, what could they say? We each have a reputation. Even a child is known by their doings.


And you know what? Everybody guessed Samson – right away!

It was time for a little walk down memory lane ...

It was January of last year.  

I was sitting on campus in the undergraduate math lounge (back when it was in Cushwa Hall) since I was going to tutor after student teaching.  My Mom was still a student in the nursing program at YSU, as well, and was studying in the atrium of Cushwa.  There was a bunch of people in the math lounge that must have been waiting for a 5:10pm class.  I sat down at the computer to work on lesson plans. 

So, this random never-seen-this-guy before middle-aged African man pops into the math lounge and asks where he could find one of the African grad students.  I didn’t recognize the name, so I sent him down to the grad office.  Ok, no sweat off my back.  So everybody leaves the lounge for class and it’s now 5:15pm on a Wednesday evening.  It’s nice and quiet.

Suddenly, that guy is back.

Ok, only slightly weirded out.  He has an African accent and speaks ever so softly – but incessantly.  He told me that he was so thankful for my directions and needed to tell me that … but that he was also lonely and didn’t have any friends (throwing in a few Christian jargon terms along the way).  Bottom line?  He wondered if he could be my friend. 

Hmm, weird, but I’m like “Uh, I guess. I’m Moriah.”

He then proceeded to pull stuff out of his briefcase and tell me his life story of escaping from the Congo when war broke out, how he is an engineer and makes $100K a year (but is going back to school in order to get a promotion to earn $150K-200K a year), shows me his resume and cover letter … then pulled out his transcript request receipts and handed me a business card.

By this time, I’m very confused.

Then.  Then he asks me if I’m married (ah! wished I was at that point) but I said “Umm, not yet.”  I didn’t realize that when he asked if we could “be friends”, that meant “can we be boyfriend and girlfriend?” 

He goes on to tell me that when he saw me his heart “just lept” and he knows that “his blood and my blood will mix positively” and there’s just “so much there”.  Whaaaa?

So, I text my Mom, “I need you to come to the lounge.” 

No reply.

In desperation, I finally get a word in edgewise, “Woah Nellie, I don’t understand what you’re getting at – I’m not available!” (Which, at the time, was true.)  He then proceeds to tell me that he understands that but that we can work through all of this as we “progress deeper into our relationship”.  Oiy. Talk about not taking a hint.

Let’s try a more direct approach.  “You don’t understand, I am in a relationship and am not available!” I tell him.  He still insists that it’s ok but that I should not close the door on him and must always think positively.  He assured me that he understands that it would take time to break up with the other guy.  

Ok, he gets ‘persistence points’ and scores double in the ‘creepy points’ category.

Meanwhile, I text Mom again.  It needs to be more pointed.  “Mom. A guy is proposing to me.”  This guy is between me and the door, I can’t just walk out.

He still doesn’t take the blatant hint and proceeds to give me his personal phone number and email address … and then asks for mine.  I emphatically reply that I don’t give that out to *strangers*.  He assures me that he knows that he and I are meant to be together because his knees got weak and pained when he left to find his friend (great, glad to know that I can cause arthritis).  He had to come back and take a chance to express his feelings.

By this time, I’m in major African dude freak out.  Oh, I manage to gather (from his resume) that he was born in 1961.  He is almost as old as my Dad.

Enter Mom, stage left!  Honestly – who has their Mom in their hip pocket on a secular college campus that they can pull out whenever they need her?  I do. 

“Leonard, I would like you to meet … my Mom.”

His face emanates a stunned look as he frantically starts packing up his portfolio of credentials.  Mom is very polite but looks at me and asks, “Do you know Leonard?” 

“No!”

“Ok, well, Leonard, you have to go now.  Bye.”

Exit Leonard, stage right.

In all honesty, I think someone was in desperate need of a green card.  The moral of the story?  Guys, you seriously need to start all relationships with transcript request receipts.  There is nothing more sincere, romantic, and sends a solid message about one’s character as transcript request receipts (“Well, I’ve finished my one degree and am looking to the future! Here’s a signed testament to that on the pink copy of the 3-ply carbon set”). 

Words to live by.  Or laugh by!  

It was a cold and sunny morning ...

The sun was huge this morning. I love early mornings. The coolness, the quiet, the frost, the mist, and being able to actually see the sun's "rays". I love having to drive east to get to school in the mornings. I love that I pass through some wooded rural-looking areas and end up in the city with some sky-scraper-wanna-be's that are silhouetted by the sun's rays. I love that it only takes 13 minutes to drive to school. I love the thought of being up early and having the whole day ahead. I love that God made the sun rise today. (Ok smarty-pants, I know that the sun didn't "rise" ... the earth turned ... but it's less cool to say "it was a lovely earth turn this morning!")

In short, I love being up early. Let it be noted ... I do not like *getting up*. But being up? It's my favorite. Ah, there's nothing like early morning.

What's your favorite time of day?

It was a dark and stormy night ...

... no, actually, it is a dark and stormy night. I wasn't kidding ... at this point, I would include a smiley emoticon, but I tend to overuse those ... so just mentally picture a grin. I am quite pleased with myself for actually writing right now.

As I sit here ... I realize that I have approximately 4 topics that I wish I could organize my thoughts fast enough to put them into words before the thought disappears. Even as of this moment, I'm not sure which topic will actually make it below ...

A couple of weeks ago, I visited a church near school since I stayed the weekend rather than going home. [In case you're wondering - it was a good church - somewhere I would consider going regularly if I didn't already have a home church.] In the little visitor's bag of goodies I was given, there was a paperback copy of RC Sproul's "The Holiness of God". Now, I cannot claim to know anything about this author, but I have enjoyed reading this book thus far (not finished, I can't devour this like I can a novel!). As suggested by the title, Sproul is writing on the holiness of God. A few things that impressed me to think more on ...

Oftentimes, I find myself using words which "fit in context", but I have a hard time actually defining ... holiness is one of those words. I admit, I most often mentally equate the word "holy" with "purity". Indeed, those are related ... purity is contained within the idea of holy (being the math person that I am, it thrilled me that I could use a Venn diagram to visualize this idea! Ok, enough with the math already ...). However, the primary meaning of "holy" is simply "separate", or "set apart". Now, maybe you already knew that ... I think I already knew that ... but ... in the miraculous realization that only God can open, my eyes and heart were opened to realize this in a new way. It's hard for me to explain, but just re-realizing this adds a new dimension to the passages as I read.

(Hmm, apparently, that is all I had to say on that. Short but significant ... to me ...)

A rather "hot topic" right now is the whole topic of "judging" one another. While I don't really care to delve into that whole realm right now (debating and arguing just isn't something I enjoy. I have strong opinions and convictions, but it often doesn't seem productive to enter in those conversations.) Anyway. Hypocrisy is one of the major sticking points when it comes to pointing fingers in "judging". How can you point at the mote in my eye when you have a beam in your own?! Or, at least, that seems to be the general approach. It always has seemed hypocritical (even if it is just my own warped perception) that a human can preach holy living.

To quote from Sproul's book, "All preachers are vulnerable to the charge of hypocrisy. In fact, the more liable they are to the charge of hypocrisy. Why? Because the more faithful people are to the Word of God, the higher the message is that they will preach. The higher the message, the further they will be from obeying it themselves."

Yikes. It is really one-sided and hard-headed to block out God's Word and teaching because it is being presented by a fallible human. It seems impossible to walk a perfect life. That doesn't mean, however, that we shouldn't strive for walking even as He walked (I John 2:6). The more God reveals Himself to us, the more we realize just how impossible it is for us to be as God and so desperately needed Christ.

Now, this, I have a math analogy for ... I have taken a lot of math classes. To those outside of the field, higher-level math often simply means "calculus". Yes, I have taken calculus ... a long time ago. There is no Calculus 13 that I know of (picture the "grin" again) ... After calculus, we take courses such as linear algebra, differential equations, numerical analysis, statistics, topology, abstract algebra, euclidean transformations, real analysis ... you get the gist. I used to be good at math (or, so I thought). But now? Oiy. The more math classes I've taken, the more I realize just how dumb and mediocre I am. All this has shown me is just how little I know. In the grand scheme of things, I'm not even a little fish in a big pond - I'm not even sure if I make amoeba size!

How was that an analogy?! Oh right. Back to preachers preaching holiness. The more that one gets a glimpse of the holiness of God, the more they realize that they are an amoebic sinner that is only saved by God's grace. (This is not to say that there is not hypocrisy among preachers or Christians. It's a sad reality sometimes, but not that it is or should be assumed to be the norm.) It seems proud to realize one's humility. God knows the heart, however. It always baffled me that the Old Testament prophets would cry "Woe is me!" and announce just how wretched of a sinner they were. Goodness, from what I could tell, they hardly seemed wretched. But, that is me comparing myself to them. They saw themselves against the holiness of God - and it shook them to the core.

See, this is where I fail as a writer. At this point, I'm like, "Ok, I'm done now. Submit, QED." Yes, QED is how we end math proofs ... it is short for the Latin "quod erat demonstrandum" which means "which was to be demonstrated". Made my point, time to check out. But ... I don't know if I've made my point. I've sort of just rambled. (Do I even have a point?!) Trying to articulate what God has been working on in my life and showing me is hard for me to do. My mind is a pinball machine sometime (please picture the little ideas getting hit off of each other and going "boing! boing!").

Regrouping ...

I am thankful for what God has been doing and the way that He has been using scripture, people, sermons (yay internet!), books, and life in general to light a spark under myself and to not be lukewarm. In short, I Peter 1:15 has been my challenge, "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.." Exactly what is my answer to that?

Apparently, I have the urge to write and label every post on a "dark and rainy night". Good thing an Ohio winter is on its way! :) Gah. An emoticon. I couldn't resist. ;)

It was a dark and rainy night ...

... and then I had the whim to make a blog.

It's one of those things that I never thought I would do given my extreme aversion to writing. However, there are lots of musings going on in my head right now ... what better place to put them then on a little plot of internet that no one has to even know about ... and call it a blog?

My numerical analysis homework is sitting in front of me, begging me to finish this LU factorization of a 4 by 4 matrix. But it shall wait. There are more exciting distractions to appease at the moment ...

Please pardon my overuse of ellipses. Of all the punctuation invented by the English language, ellipses win first place in my heart ... they are the pause I take in real life. However, that could just be my lack of concentration when speaking ...

But I digress.

The real point of creating this blog is that God has been putting a lot of things on my heart lately that have prompted a search of His Word, discussions with others, prayer, organization of thoughts ... and the desire to write up a culmination of these musings.

A desire to write?! Bah. Say it isn't so ... No, really. I would love for discussions and input and ideas and scriptures and run-on sentences conjoined with conjunctives to encourage and (kindly ...) challenge me and you in the trek through this earth. As such, I will try and be short and sweet. No rambling! Concise, well-thought-out, and backed by the scriptures. That is the goal, at least.

I pray that the Lord will be able to use this as a blessing in my life ... and in yours, as well!

So, just as I type on the Best Buy display computers, "Thanks for the memories!"